Ballgame

I've been on a die-hard thinking roller coaster. And sometimes, music is the wooden track.

Yes, I'm terrified of roller coasters. You will NEVER see my scrawny little self riding one. But I'll take my life as a roller coaster. Always has been. But I do believe that every single person on this planet lives a life of chaos. I'm not the only one on the ride. We all are.

So, this is just one song that rings in my ears so softly but yet ever so loudly.

Kevin Devine, you said it best. And I certainly love you for it...

A good man doesn't drink
And I've been drinking alone
So what does that make me?
My hands they always shake
And no one's calling my phone
So what does that make me?
And I know the kid with his guitar
So drunk and anxious
Has been done to death
So tell me what hasn't
I'll try it
Because I'm selfish enough to wanna get better
But I'm backwards enough not to take any steps to get there
And when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become and it's what you will stay
That's ballgame
'Cause I don't got room in my life for anyone else
And I've driven away all the people that could help
And I still don't even know what I need to do to fix myself
There's a clamp around my chest
That tightens every time I lapse into
Another sorry story
About my miserable collapse
A bronze box I keep encased in glass
And dust off whenever I want your pity
'Cause lately I've had to come to grips with scope and figure
How my problems stack up in a world two steps from ruin
(Or maybe it's rapture)
Well, either way, I realize that my shit's about as small as it could be
But that makes me feel worse for even feeling this bad in the first place
'Cause there's a war starting soon, and all the flags'll be waving
Daniel's 20-year-old friend will be ready, and willing, and waiting
He's a Marine and he told me
And that makes me sad
Really, really fucking sad
But at least he'll act
I'll just bite my tongue and then say, "Daniel you wish him luck
or pray that he comes back for his mother's sake",
and then I'll drink those thoughts away
I've gotten good at that
And when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become and it's what you will stay
That's ballgame


Now, go out and buy his album. Preferably the one with this song on it. While you're at it buy any and every Beth Orton and Fiona Apple cd. And pick up August and Everything After by The Counting Crows. That's what I call soul searching music, among a zillion others.

Perhaps I'll do a post about "dance your ass off "music. Or "let's get the party started" music. How about "I hate your f'in guts" music. And the beloved, "you're the best thing to happen to me" music.

Either way. Whatever is your poison, I got it. And don't you worry, I'll fill you in.

Music is the way to my soul.

Deal with it.